Scamming the Scammers

Totally inspired by James Veitch

Hey everyone a while back I started replying to scam emailers in the most hilarious ways I could imagine. Today I received an email from the “Apple Store” unfortunately the email address was a string of odd numbers and letters. Just a tad suspicious (or 1000% suspicious). “Apple” was apparently asking me to download a link to a receipt and then open it in my browser to confirm a $30 purchase of a “Space Qube.”  Now I was excited as could be about the arrival of the “Space Qube” I hadn’t ordered so my only question was, “perfect what colour are you sending me?” I’m eagerly awaiting their response in order to correct whatever colour they say. Turns out Space Qube is an app not an actual cube…darn.

It’s not an actual cube?

The bigger picture

I’ve grown fond of these types of interactions. Magic is one of my hobbies so I’ve had to learn to deceive people in a fun way. That’s how I look at these email scammers, except I can be a little more cut-throat. They are scamming people so I may as well waste their time. It is a solid reminder that you can turn anything into a fun adventure.

Previous scam emails

I’m excited to share my previous scam emails with you. I’ll add it in a blog entry soon. Nothing beats having a scammer refer to all finances as “golden cards” because “the CIA is on to you.”

Why United Airlines Was Right

This post is definitely not satire </sarcasm>

So I’m probably the most able person to defend the actions of United Airlines. The reason for this is I have literally zero knowledge about the incident. I haven’t seen the footage, but have seen enough memes to form an opinion on the matter.

Yes...they were horribly horribly wrong
Was United Airlines really wrong?

***whispered while momentarily breaking character*** (yes, they were horribly, horribly wrong)

Maritime law means everything and anything is allowed to prevent a mutany

First of all, they were in the sky so maritime law applies. Don’t question this previous statement. Now many of you might say “but Shane, the airplane was on the ground.” I laugh at your logic, hahahaha.

Basic human rights in all forms

Secondly, human rights apply to everyone despite what some of you may think. This man had the right to buy an airline ticket and board the plane. He also had the right to be brutally beaten and dragged off the plane in a horrible way. For those of you saying this shouldn’t have happened you are stepping on his rights to let people violently attack him.

An elaborate rouse

It was all an act. If you look closely you can see that the “blood” on his face is actually strawberry jam. The staff unwillingly helped this so-called doctor carry out his dramatized performance even though it broke their hearts to do so. It was all part of this “doctor’s” plan to give validity to call in sick the next day.

The final message

In closing, if you want to be allowed your basic human rights to receive a beating you never asked for after paying your hard earned money on a ticket you never intended on using because you wanted to stage an elaborate rouse then you should be allowed to do so.
(Also, I am in no way making fun of the victim of this incident. This post is brimming with sarcasm in order to point out how ridiculously insane and horrible the actions of United Airlines and the authorities were)

Definitely Not A Secret Organization

Definitely not a massive secret puzzle

Hey everyone, so just in case anyone was wondering there is nothing related to secret organizations on this page. Though if there was something about secret organizations here on Read N’ Butter it would probably have all kinds of hidden links and clues and a complete story line to follow. Yup, you definitely shouldn’t go searching for posts about that and following clues, because you will be sorely disappointed. I am definitely not interested in secrets or puzzles, even though I worked at an escape room. So ya, there is no secrets at all on this page.

A puzzle perhaps?

Back on track

Read N’ Butter is now returning to it’s regularly scheduled programming. What is Read N’ Butter’s regular format? Good question friend. Here at Read N’ Butter I like to talk about stories, movies, and life in general from a different and highly optimistic view. I also try to saturate my posts with as much satire as possible. If you haven’t noticed this by now it’s probably because your sarcasm lock key is off. I’ll give you a minute to press it.

*****Sarcasm Key Activated*****

Ya good job totally pressing that real key on your keyboard. A sarcasm key is definitely a thing.

*****Sarcasm Key Deactivated*****

Honestly, hope you guys have an amazing day. Looking forward to writing more crazy stories and going on adventures with you. Take care and all the best!

*****Sarcasm Key Activated*****

And definitely DO NOT go looking for any secrets on previous posts. There is nothing there for you to find.

Ethereal Light: First Person Adventure Story

A Story Begins

So I’ve had this idea for a while. I wanted to film a first person scene where I run around and climb things. For this project I had no idea what the story would be until I was editing and in the midst of filming. I drove down to the local university, strapped my camera to my chest, and started running around.

Ethereal Light

The Story

So the story I came up with was pretty simple. While hanging out our protagonist finds something slightly out of the norm. He then is confronted by those who try to prevent him from taking this mysterious object. While fleeing from his pursuers, our completely silent protagonist, finds himself aided by the object itself. In my own mind I see it as a story of a more militarized future and an object with special powers.

The Biggest Challenge

I’m not an editor. It took no time at all for me to plan a route to run and actually film it. Coming up with a story and concept also came quickly. Learning to do some basic editing and working with after effects was a challenge for me and consumed close to 90% of the time I put into the project.

A Different Filming Challenge

A second challenge I faced was actually filming, but not for the reason you may think. I was getting a bit of anxiety and was worrying about what people would think of me. It’s not everyday that people see someone strap a phone to their chest and run around. It was a completely ill-found anxiety, especially considering I was filming right next to the dramatic art building. As soon as the camera was rolling and I was running around that anxiety disappeared. It just goes to prove how fleeting and illogical anxiety can be. The only thing people said to me were things like, “wow, you’re full of energy” or “that’s a cool idea, what are you working on?” Yet, in my head I was figuring people would immediately view me in a negative light.

A First Person Adventure

I truly loved making this short video, though I wish someone else would’ve tackled the editing portion. It pushed me ever so slightly out of my comfort zone, but also gave me complete creative freedom. I wanted to do something and I did it; that’s what matters most. If there’s something you want to do, just go do it and have fun.

Hidden Logan Trailer

“Wait, there was an additional trailer for Logan?”

The new movie, Logan, had a hidden trailer that not many people knew about. Marvel only aired this trailer in a few select places and I was lucky enough to be one of the people to see it. I did some digging and was actually able to get a copy of it. Logan was a phenomenal movie and I personally enjoyed it quite a bit. If you haven’t had a chance to go set it yet you’re missing out.

“Show us the trailer Shane!”

There’s no need to yell, but since I love you guys I won’t make you scroll any further.

Very Mild Spoiler Warning

I personally loved this movie’s take on Old Man Logan. It made me laugh, cry, and feel every emotion possible. The movie itself didn’t have a super riveting story, but that was the beauty of it. Professor X was getting old, Wolverine lost his will to live, and a mysterious girl entered the picture. The villains in Logan weren’t overly captivating. I never found myself unable to predict what would happen next, even when I really really didn’t want one thing to happen. The movie was fairly easy to follow. That’s where my critique ends. Logan was a movie devoted entirely to character development and spectacularly so. Wolverine, Professor X, and X23 were so well developed that even if the main villain was Jello I’d still be sold. The amazing cinematics, high intensity fights, and perfectly timed moments of comedy between the bloodshed made for a nearly perfect film.

The Hidden Logan Trailer

“You tricked us Shane.”

I apologize for tricking you. I had a lot of fun making a silly trailer for Logan and wanted to share it with the world. Since this is my blog I can do what I want here. That includes tricking you into watching a silly and completely ridiculous trailer for Logan that I made while sitting in Starbucks.

Have an awesome day everyone! Love you all!

It’s About To Get Magical

Mall Magic

I have commented before about how life can be a daily adventure and today I went on one of those adventures. I went out to a few locations with my friends Matt and Josh and we recorded some magic tricks I performed for strangers. Magic has this phenomenal way of bringing strangers together. I truly believe that a magic trick delivered with confidence is the greatest ice breaker.

Wait you got kicked out of the mall?

We weren’t doing anything wrong or creating a commotion or anything of that sort. The people we showed magic tricks to were actually having a lot of fun. A security guard approached us and said that we couldn’t film in the mall without a permit. Everyone watching was really bummed out by his interference. It wasn’t the security guard’s fault, he just didn’t want to get in trouble for not enforcing the rules he was supposed to. He ended up coming back towards the end of my mini-set and watched the final trick (he was all smiles and really enjoying it). He enthusiastically told us that we could talk to some of the mall managers when they come in this week and they will give us a permit to record there. We left the mall and ended up finding a few other places to film.

Where else did you try to film?

Starbucks had no issue with us recording and actually encouraged the entertainment (this is why we love you Starbucks). We also attempted to do some magic at the local movie theater. Initially one manager told us that it was completely fine. Within minutes a second manager approaches us and put an end to the magic.

Do you have any footage I can see now?

Of course my beautiful reader. I’ll toss a nice little sample here for you to watch. Also be on the lookout here on my blog for the final video once I get it edited.

Do you have any recommendations for beginners?

If I could tell you one thing that has helped me become a better performer it would be “just go for it.” You will fail occasionally at the start, but that is fine. Nobody ever got good at something by not doing it. Approaching strangers still makes my nervous at times, but it gets easier and is worth it. Overcome that fear and pursue your dreams. Go get yourself some nice cards, read some books, and get started.

Hospital Emergency Room Post Hijacking

A Moment of Reflection

As I sit here eating my peanut butter and honey sandwich, I can’t help but reflect on today’s hospital events. I had a blog post all planned out, and I was excited to post it.

Shane we’d still love to read that post!

Thank you my lovely reader. I will toss that original post at the bottom of this one as your “extra-curricular” blog reading homework.

Back to the Point

Today I went rock climbing (bouldering to be precise) with a couple of my friends. My best friend, Ryan, and I were killing it even though we had only gone a few times. After making an incredible climb Ryan dropped down from the wall. What he didn’t realize was he was about to land with one foot in-between the two massive safety mats. Watching my best friend writhe in pain completely unable to move was horrifying. Everyone at the rock gym was super helpful. We got him some ice and moved him into my car. It was a fairly smooth ride to the hospital; however, the bumpy rode made for a few shrieks of pain.

A Quick Note on Ryan

Ryan is an amazing individual, and I consider myself beyond lucky to have him as my friend. I’ve learned a lot from him, and really look up to him. Just by watching how he conducts himself over the years I’ve picked up some of his confidence, his social skills, and his optimism. He has always been into fitness and was even the person who got me involved in bodybuilding. In return I’ve taught him how to be funny (he argues he was always funny, but I know the truth).

At the Hospital

We made it to the hospital and within minutes they had him in for a consultation. Before we knew it I was wheeling Ryan around the halls in a shiny wheelchair. We made it to the X-Ray lab, cracked a few jokes, and then the once busy hospital seemed completely empty. We were in a hallway with no other signs of life, which wouldn’t normally be an issue but we really wanted to get this x-ray over with. After sneaking around a bit (and leaving Ryan in time-out facing a corner in his wheelchair) we found someone. A very friendly x-ray technician came out of one of the rooms I may or may not have snuck into and started the magical bone seeing equipment.

The Wait

We were assured by the hospital staff that getting in to have the x-ray done was the longest part. They were wrong. So very wrong. After waiting 4 and a half hours we finally got to see the doctor. The doctor quickly jumped from patient to patient. He took a quick look at Ryan’s x-ray and then Ryan’s foot and told us it wasn’t broken. The staff quickly (not) got Ryan some crutches (hahaha I’m pretty sure I made countless jokes about them actually building the crutches). The nursing staff successfully chopped down some trees, shaved them into crutches, and sent us on our way.

Shane, you can’t really just be telling us about a normal trip to the hospital.

Of course I’m going to make a point, stop interrupting me.

The Point

Through the entire experience at the hospital, all 5 (or so) hours Ryan and I were cracking jokes.  Not only did we make jokes, but our jokes were on fire (I was hilarious as usual). Originally Ryan and I were going to play video games, specifically Zelda: Breath of the Wild on the Nintendo Switch, after rock climbing. Our plans changed due to circumstance, but we had just as much fun cracking jokes in a hospital waiting room.

There were so many sad people around us. Everyone was hurt, sick, in pain, and just downcast. Ryan and I made a point to be positive and turn a potentially annoying circumstance into a fun one. I can’t say that we did this purposely, it’s just kind of something we do subconsciously. The phrase “home is where the heart is” is incredibly true, but deceptively simple. What I’m trying to connect here is that your situation doesn’t matter, your attitude does. You have the power to turn a crappy situation into a bearable one.

Where Do You Anchor Your Heart?

I’ve said all of this to ask a simple question, where do you anchor your heart? Is your home the building you sleep in or is it the people in your life? Do circumstances dictate your joy or does your joy brighten up your circumstances?

That’s a lot to think about Shane, but I do believe you promised us your original post as well.

Of course my valiant friend, of course.

The Original Post

All right my very first blog entry (aside from the welcome message). I’m told this is the hardest one (actually I just told myself that right now). Thanks for swinging by (ok, you didn’t actually swing in like Spider-Man but a web is involved so I’m kind of not wrong).

Also I do believe in transparency. You will see some links on this blog and often times they are special offers, advertisements, and whatnot. Don’t ever feel obligated to click on them, but it does help me to keep the website running.

I’m going to keep this first post short (that definitely is not the case anymore). The idea behind this blog is to share uplifting thoughts, words of encouragement, and hilarious metaphors (maybe even a simile or two).

By now you’ve probably realized that my internal thoughts are trapped in brackets (and if you didn’t figure that out now you know. Also, brackets are called “parentheses,” just some food for thought). I’d like to close this entry off with a short story that truly mirrors reality if that’s ok with you (actually I don’t really need your permission).

There was once a little grasshopper. He was very scared of the winter. One day a friendly dragon came to visit the grasshopper. They played charades for hours and became the best of friends. Then the grasshopper died because they don’t live very long, unlike dragons.

I feel you can pretty easily interpret this story on your own, but for those of you that didn’t get it from the first read-through the moral of the story was “subscribe to my blog.” (Here’s to hoping that nonsensical story and shameless self-promotion combined with some subliminal messaging focused around a grasshopper worked).

Love you all,